Dating Adventures?

Ok, so I mistakenly signed up for e-harmony, then foolishly signed up for match.com, and rounded it all up by signing up for plenty of fish.

I say mistakenly because this e-harmoney thing feels so serious. It costs quite a bit, requires a lot of time and so far seems to have yielded zero results. The closest I've got to a date out of this place was a guy who was going to drive all the way from Houston just to meet me for coffee, plus he was moving to some other state...but that wasn't a deal-breaker. Let me just say a little yikes because we didn't correspond that much and never spoke on the phone. I don't know if I am just lazy, but I would never drive hours upon hours to meet someone for coffee, then turn around and go home, unless there was already a really terrific relationship built up via emails and phone calls.

Sigh... that site I think is designed for the marrying-types, i.e. people who are hard-core looking for their (ick, I hate this term) "soul-mate."

In a bout of desperation I signed up for a year's worth of service, because it was cheaper, like buying a 5-gallon jar of mayonnaise at Costco. I will just have to remember to cancel the subscription when it get's near to the expiration because I've heard, that "for your convenience" the auto-renew your subscription. Wow, thanks e-harmony...I know you only have my best interests at heart...

So then, I was thinking, maybe match.com would be a little lighter, and so far it seems to have been. Except for the fact that I went out on a first date with a lunatic, who didn't show himself as a lunatic until after the date was over, and now I'm a bit gun-shy, and maybe getting uber-picky. Like no boring people, no wierdness, no craziness, no awkwardness. If I have to roll my eyes at anything other than a bad pun or joke, you are the weakest link...goodbye!

Just as a little taste of the craziness of this one-date wonder, or at least what happened afterwards, please read on, and you'll see why I'm a little freaked to go out with anyone wever again, although I am grateful this was through the website and there was no exchange of any personal info beyond the profile stuff...

July 21 (we went for lunch out July 18)
SUBJECT: Sunday
Hi Karin,
I enjoyed your company on Sunday. I hope I was good looking enough for you, and that I didn't talks about money too much. I should have replied sooner, sorry about that. I figured it was your turn with the email, so to speak, and I kind of liked taking a break from the nightly pressure. To be honest, there could have been more chemistry, but like I said in my profile that's not the most important thing to me, and I know I'm not the hottest guy out there. What are your thoughts? Would you like to give it another try?
Bryan

July 25
SUBJECT: Explanation Owed
Karin,
I spent a lot of time composing emails to you. You were very enthusiastic about meeting me, and now you won't even give me the time of day? I deserve to know what happened on Sunday or thereafter that made you do a 180, and the real reason, not a bullshit one. If it's my looks, you are supposed to tell a man when he directly asks if it's that. Is it? If so, what exactly turned you off. I've had 7k worth of work done already. If you think I've lied to you, you are wrong, but please tell me what it is so I can defend myself. I was joking about boycotting the Gap. I assume you don't have a grievance against me as I have treated you with respect. Please return the favor so I can work to improve my dating experience.
Bryan

July 25
SUBJECT: Re: Explanation Owed
Bryan,
I have been busy and it's only been a week since we went out. Looks have nothing to do with it. I don't think our personalities nor senses of humor really click. Your email only solidified those thoughts. I believe the first emails exchanged were superficial enough that we could check-off similar boxes/interests, but that is not what makes a connection.

I believe you have a bit of a hang-up with your looks. I am returning the favor (as you said) and am being completely honest to help you with your dating experience... The repetetive selfdeprication regarding your looks is not an attractive quality. The repeated emails asking me why I haven't replied to you within the week are draining. I actually have a lot going on and at times I don't have the time nor energy to respond to emails right away...I am getting ready to leave the country again this week so you'll forgive me that responding to your emails wasn't top of the list. Using phrases like "you are supposed to" are also a turn-off. No one likes to be told what to do by someone who is barely more than a stranger. The questioning and the assumptions and demanding the real reason is a little odd when we've only met once, it's only been a week since we've last met and you don't really have any "rights" on what I do or say and the words sound like undercurrents of fear, anger and self-doubt.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings because we did have a nice time. But for me a nice time doesn't really cut it - that's not what I am looking for because I have more than a nice time with the friends I already have. It's not to do with you nor I, but I don't think there would be any possibility of even a decent friendship between us.

I wish you luck in your dating search and again, the feedback was only based on my feelings and my experiences as you so kindly requested. Take it or leave it.

Have a good week.
Karin

July 25
SUBJECT: Re: Explanation Owed
Thanks Karin. Is there anything that I said or did BEFORE today? The pelican remark was a dig at both the rescuers and the hunters, and your reply seemed like a non sequitur. Why was my personality OK in email but not in person? I have a migraine condition and that sometimes causes me to appear disinterested, anxious, etc., even though my words indicate otherwise. Was that a factor? It didn't seem like it to me.

As far as your complaints about my email go, I'll work on being a little less testy, but the rest we'll have to disagree on.

I don't think I told you that I went to Australia for 9 1/2 weeks last year for the abusive bigot that I worked for. That was very stressful, and I was glad to make it back safely after he fired me for refusing to go back for another 6 weeks.
Bryan

July 26
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Explanation Owed
When I said you're supposed to be honest about my looks, that was because the owner of a dating service said so to the females in a seminar I attended.

I come away from this thinking that my tone and my mannerisms in person do not live up to expectations. People think they are so good at reading mannerisms, sigh.

If the talk about my looks were a deal breaker, it would be because I were unable to control my Tourette's-like proclivity to blurt out "I'm ugly", or you would simply accept my promise to stop talking about it.

I take it you meant that all of the emails were superficial, but that doesn't explain what exactly I said or did on Sunday that made you so sure there would be no possibility of a decent friendship between us. I'm pretty sure I didn't say a word about my looks until three days after that Sunday.

It costs $80,000 to clean an otter of oil (from an Exxon Valdez study) and 2/3 of the cleaned ones dies within two years (or was it one year?). Jon Stewart made fun of these people too. Pelicans are not endangered species. Is one animal's value more than another because it is more sentient, or because people like it more? Hence the "non sequitur" label.

You seem to have good managerial skills. I like that, but I didn't sense that you grasped how distinguished I am. I guess I still struggle with how to communicate that without appearing stuck up.

There were not "repeated emails" asking you why you haven't contacted me. There was just one, a whole week after you didn't take five minutes to say. "I'm really busy now planning for my trip, sorry".

I demanded the real reason, because I know that everyone thinks they're supposed to be polite. It was not personal. In fact, your unconventional and counter-culture interests indicated hope that you were not a typical meme carrier.

Have you read _How to Win Friends and Influence People_? I have. Your manager speak indicates that you probably have.

I want to confess I am an athiest. I'm agnostic about as much as I think Zeus might exist.

I may have been a little unenthusiastic Sunday because your age went up in your profile, from 35 to 36, and I was a little concerned that you had lied. After checking your sign, I figured you probably had not, but I still think it's a little wierd you didn't mention your birthday to me. Age is the most common thing women lie about (for men it's income).

It took so much less time to think all those thoughs than to write them. That is truly just the tip of the iceburg. Have a good time with your friends though, I'm sure they're all members of Triplle Nine Society too.
Bryan

He unfavorited me after that.

Now my goal is... a date with a pleasant, humorous, intelligent, not crazy guy. I mean I just want a freakin fun/nice night out. Is that too much to ask?!?!

So, I decided to check out Plenty of Fish. It's free. Now I know that perhaps by paying for a service, you may get a better quality of matches, however given that e-harm seems to be going nowhere quickly, and match.com, while less expensive, yielded crazy Bryan, who as a friend of mine reminded me, should probably befriend crazy Dmitri of blog voicemail fame, then I figured why not, I've already spent $$$ on other sites, so try out the freebie.

I've already been chatted up a few times within 24 hours of signing up. Not sure if I dig it or not. One guy was like hey, do you have Yahoo messenger? I said no. He said ok, can I text you sometime? I said umm, I don't know anything about you so sorry, but I'm not going to give you my telephone number to text me. He's like ok, no prob, good luck.

Am I getting old, and/or grouchy, or are people just socially retarded? What happened to the art of converstaion and getting to know someone a bit before exchanging more personal information. And why are some people so ridiculously boring? Do they really believe that what they are saying is interesting or attractive subject matter to anyone but themselves? Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

So let's hope things get better from here. I mean I know there are interesting people around here. I've got some terrific male friends who are interesting, funny, etc. so it's not like they don't exist, I guess I just need to wade through the swamp of crazies and snorefests...

Hasta prontoooooooooo
POF
yahoo? text?